How to become a snob?
Snob has a lot of free time which he spends in searching for perfect things. He is being surrounded with wealth and elite. He is feeling bored all the time. He knows not how to give love. He is egoistic and selfish. He’s got style.
Not everyone thinks that snobs are useless, “Little breviary of snobbery” is Antonio Monens’ book says that snobs keep on the higher level our own way of living and culture, since they don’t fit in regular patterns and they keep away from the mass products, and all the other things accepted by the majority, thinking or the crowds taste.
The true snobs maybe existed in the past in romantic novels, but in the mean time they had disappeared. That is not the reason for us not to think how to bring this spacey alive.
First of all, even if you really want and think that you should belong to this special cast, you can’t make your place at once. Snob is not being chosen by its genetic or material status. By other words it is not enough just to have some soundly last name. As well the money, your cars and other things will not make a snob out of you. Snob can be very rich or can be very poor. His national belonging doesn’t have any influence in becoming a snob. Elitism of a snob is not in connection with his personal and traveling documents (even though having a Swiss passport was always very chic). Snob must have even spiritual characteristic of a snob. And those would be: freedom to without a fear do what most of people doesn’t, to be aware of your difference, intelligence, insensibility to others thinking, specific taste for humor, and immeasurable originality.
Elementary knowledge of the luxury products and strong personality is the least thing required of one snob.
DRESSING: Snob is never being too dressed. He knows that elegance is in simple things. He doesn’t like fashion, since he doesn’t want to be put in the pattern with the rest. He has his own tailor and he bothers him to eternity.
First you should throw out of your wardrobe all the colorful and pastel clothing. It is not necessary to mention that the cyclamen and Caribbean blue is not allowed. I will not point out that all the sparkling things and markedly jewelry should at once be rid of. You can wear black, beige autumn colors and during the summer you can wear campaign and shell colors. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable in your own clothes. You must have your style. You must always keep to your mind that the snob is imaginative and not comparable with the others.
MANNERS: You must never show: excitement, trill, haste as well as admiration. Showing of your sorrow is unforgivable because it is violating the rule from the Boon ton. Further, if you want to hold on to the rules of the snobbery, you should never show that you have problems with money. Religion is also not allowed. Snob is never showing of. That is why you should never say more than three words about yourself in public. Don’t take any tittles (Lawrence of Arab, seeing that the king is coming with two titles to him, left the court). Snob is too self-esteemed to leave the others to classify him.
TRAVELING: Snob is always passing by, so you should always travel. Don’t forget to perfume your handkerchiefs with toilette water from Parma. You’ll take only few thing of silk and Kashmir packed in a bag which you had bought in Louise Avenue in Bruxelles. Take your overcoat made from camels’ hair (delicately worn out). Travel of course by train. I don’t have to say that the coupe is only for you and your dog. You are to stay at “the owner”, but not at the families who like to see their name in the newspaper. Give advantage to the traveling out of season. It is important, when you are in different countries, to buy the things which are typical for that country.
JOB: Snob works but his job is without a stress (for example he can be a cultural councilor). Snob is not particularly enjoying the work but he is doing it since it is less boring than having fun.
APPEARANCE: It is recommended to be a little bit taller than the others, so you could watch people from above, but it is not a problem if you are not a tall person. It is more than important to be slim, since few extra pounds are saying that you eat junky food and it shows of your weakness toward food. For good looks avoid going to the places where all go, like gyms are. It is important that you take care of yourself.
ILLNESSES: For males the classiest thing is to suffer from psychical disturbances, dental or some unexplained illness. For ladies psychosis and unexplained illness too is recommended.
Photograph by: Heather Favell
FREE TIME: Listen to Schubert, Mahler or Brahms their music is a desirable classic tone which is being described as classic and dark. For reading is recommended only classical reading. Reading you will do in your favorite armchair covered with a Scottish design blanket. Newspapers and magazines should be chosen carefully as well as pets and their names. (Schopenhauer had a dog called Atma-on Sanskrit it means “soul of the world”).
FOOD: Snob should have a passion for different tastes and food. His taste is delicate and makes difference to taste and look of the food. Here is some food which every snob should eat: scrambled eggs with caviar, golden pheasant with Tartuffe, cabbage soup with duck paste, reindeer medallion with mushrooms, Norwegian whale soup and so on…I think you’ve got the picture. When snob is in another country he eats the food which is typical for that area.
THE END: His last day’s snob will spend in some hotel, castle or a cottage far away from the others. Even going to the monastery is acceptable. Here is something what should be served at your funeral: liker of walnuts, caviar and some simple campaign.
These are some suggestions how to become snob, any help from a real snob is welcomed here, but as we all know a real snob would never do such a thing, such as put himself in the same position as the rest of plane people.
4 Responses to “How to become a snob?”
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Thanks for sharing, I love it when people speak their mind.